Procrastination and Perfection

"Procrastination is a sign of a perfectionist"-Patrick J Kennedy.

I have always been a procrastinator...I'm not sure I'm convinced it is always because I'm a perfectionist. Although, I must admit when it comes to blogging I think this quote has a lot of truth. 

Part of my issue is, I DO procrastinate because I feel like I have to have the perfect pictures, perfect recipes or perfect content to post but you know what, life isn't that way and after all this is supposed to be a lifestyle blog so I'm letting go of perfection! 

The photo above is our family picture that took me almost three years to order and put in that frame. Three years. I'm not really sure what I was waiting for. I love that picture even though I'm not anywhere near the weight l'd like to be so I don't think this was a case of perfectionism. This was a case of just not doing it. 

Soooooo, I am going to start something new with the upcoming year. I am going to post once a week (minimum) regardless! 

I'm a planner. If I don't plan, stuff just doesn't get done. Also, for some reason I tend to do better if it's written down. A calendar, a schedule, a to-do list...you name it. If I write it down, the chances of it getting completed are much higher.

This school year I've tried to be better about planning my days, in writing. And you know what? It's helping. I'm getting more accomplished in my day with my students because I am sticking to my plan.

Even though this school year started off extremely stressful so stressful that, quite frankly this is the first year that I have questioned my career choice as a teacher. However, things have settled down and now we are in a good groove. Thank God! 

And thanks to more planning, after almost five years of teaching, I've made a few anchor charts. If you are not a teacher you may not know what these are, or even care but the kids really love them and they were actually fun and engaging! 

Here are two that I did. Of course I don't have a picture of the cutest one but oh well, here they are:)

Are they perfect? No. Does that matter? No.

I did them with my students...they learned from them and that's what matters! 

Until next time, 

Ashli 

The Last Six Weeks

My, my, my it's been a minute!

Well obviously if I'm writing this and you are reading it, you know I woke up from surgery! LOL! 

Today is my 6 week post op anniversary and boy do I feel better than week one. To say it was rough in the beginning is an understatement. 

However, I made it and can say I'm doing better than I thought I would be at this point. Thank God! 

I kept that walker busy for a couple weeks. I was so thrilled when I was able to put it to rest! Netflix was a life saver, both day and night. 

This was my view for two weeks...I actually don't remember much of that time! Pain pills and I don't mix. 

Lisa took such good care of me during this time and everything else. I felt so guilty once I was awake and aware enough to know what was going on. I also felt so bad for Sky. Thank God he had camp and it helped when Lisa got the pool up. If I ever have to have this surgery again (and the chances of that are pretty good) I will do it during the school year, during the cold winter months. It sucks for him and it sucks for me to basically miss an entire summer! 

Plus, I wouldn't have to shave my legs. The no bending part of this recovery is probably one of the most annoying. We did manage to come up with a brilliant way that I could shave my legs on my own. Before this little invention Lisa had to do it. Bless her, she also painted my toes. Did a fabulous job I might add! :)

I was able to participate for the most part in the festivites for the Fourth of July. I even made a no bake pie...the first thing I had "cooked" in a four weeks! 

Sky and Lisa made their traditional rice krispie treats :) 

She also made THE most delicious homemade cheeseburgers I have ever had! I put the baked beans together...so technically I cooked two things ;)

The boy had such a good time this year! He lit all his own fireworks! Growing up waaaaay too fast. 

Once I was feeling better I got into teacher mode and started panicking about going back to work in August. I'm moving to 1st grade this year, which is younger than any other grade I've ever taught, and I'm nervous about being able to keep up with them since my surgery. 

So I started planning! 

Target and Dollar Tree gets me every year!

I'm so excited about this new book! I've got most of my first week mapped out...I just need to get into the school so I can get it all together. 

He has become an expert vacummer! (I know that's not a word) 

We made it outside to catch lightening bugs :)

This past weekend I was able to make waffles! One of these days when I get myself together a little more I will start sharing recipes here. My goal is to get all the recipes my family loves onto the blog so they can make them too. 

Last but not least, I was FINALLY able to have a drank! It's been soooooo long and it was soooooo good. 

Well that wraps up the last six weeks. Hopefully it won't be that long before I'm up to writing again!

~Ashli

So...I'm Having Surgery

If you've been here before, you may already know that I will be having back surgery the end of May. A spinal fusion to be exact. 

You may also be aware of the fact, if you know me personally, that I am terrified of being put under! This is nothing new for me but the fear is especially high for this surgery. Most of the fear can be attributed to a few things. I'm older, I'm overweight, I'm a mother (this is a big one) and I just lost my own mother last year. 

I had to have a pre-surgery workup with my physician because I'm over 40. Oh joy. And now I have a whole other host of reasons to be afraid! :( My EKG showed I had two borderline abnormalities and my chest Xray showed "mild cardiac enlargement without acute pulmonary abnormality". What ever the hell that all means. Oh but let me back up...I forgot to mention that I also have borderline high blood pressure. So, I'm borderline I guess. I feel borderline crazy. ;)

Well, all this glorious news got me in the self diagnosis mode with help of good ol' Google. Of course, the information is conflicting and a lot of it could be this, it could be that bull shit. Serves me right for over thinking anyway. 

However, one thing that was consistent in all of my readings was how vital it is for women to stay at a healthy weight and keep their blood pressure under control in order to have a healthy heart. It's not like I don't know this. I do know this. I've known this for a very long time. But, for some reason right now I feel like this is a big ass red flag waving in my face. Saying, "wake up girl...you can't keep going like this forever. The party train is starting to catch up with you sister!" 

And really the reason I'm paying more attention to the flag now is that I'm scared. I'm scared that it's all caught up with me and now I have to have this surgery and what if I don't make it. What if I'm too unhealthy. I've had a year to get my shit together and now look. Three days to go. Hmph.

I'm no quitter though. Never have been and I don't plan on starting now. I've been trying to cut my salt intake and lower my stress. And when I wake up from surgery, I will keep going. I will drink the gallon of water a day and if it's the last thing I do, I'll lose this weight and break up with sugar once and for all!

The thing I think I needed to realize is that working to be at a healthy weight is not the same thing as working to be thin. Wanting to be thin is about looks. Being a healthy weight is about living longer and living well. 

When I'm able to sit up and type on the computer I will update you on my progress...with back surgery and getting to a healthy weight. 

Wish me luck ;) 

~Ashli

It's Been a Looooong Time!

Wow! It's been foreeeeeeeever since I've written here. It's the end of the school year and it's been a little cray-cray. We are definitely counting the days! 

I'm going to go all the way back to Easter. It was good and the boy did a great job finding the eggs. I think the Easter Bunny needs to make it a little more challenging next year though ;) 

I made a new wreath for the front door. First, my wife spray painted it white then I added silk flowers and these little birds that I painted blue. It looks sooooo great against my freshly painted chocolate door, which I am in love with! I can't wait to paint the garage door to match. 

Sky had his first cello concert and did fairly well. He wouldn't sit up straight to save his soul...rotten egg. I kept motioning for him to sit up every time he looked out at me in the crowd. Ha-ha. 

He wants to try out a brass instrument next year but we are going to keep the cello over the summer so he can practice. I really think he should continue lessons over next year so that if he decides to go back to the cello he won't be all rusty :) 

We went to our first NOTO Arts District Walk to listen to Olivia play the cello. Although, we didn't stay long because Sky wasn't too interested, I would love to go back and try again. He will just have to suck it up and humor his parents. We did find some cool 

glass art on the side of an old building. I was able to get a picture of him and his fake, hurry up and take the picture smile. Dang kid. 

Another first of the season was a picnic at the park. It was so nice to be outside in the beautiful weather instead of cooped up in the house. I'm trying to get outside as much as possible before my surgery because I'm afraid I'll be stuck inside for a few weeks. Not at all how I want to spend the first part of my summer break but it is what it is. I have to have this surgery, so I can hopefully get back to myself...as much as that will be possible with titanium rods in my back! 

I haven't progressed too much in the way of my weight loss. Frankly, I'm okay with that. I would love to eat good food, that is mostly good for me and exercise more. I never thought I'd utter these words...but I miss working out! My back just doesn't allow much right now and I also have to get myself out of the mindset that exercise is strictly for weight loss because it's so much more than that. One goal I have is to get myself back in the habit of working out 5 days a week. Working out puts me in such a different place about how I feel towards my body. It also changes the way I view food. It's really fascinating how the mind works. 

My mom's hostas came back up, which gives me so much happiness. It's like a little piece of her returns to me and I have that to look forward to every spring from now on. She loved impatients also, so I placed a pot of those in the bed with the hostas. I remember one summer she planted different colored hostas in our window boxes and they were HUGE. We have a picture somewhere...I'll have to find it and share it with you. This spot in my yard would bring her such delight and peace. I know in my heart that she visits it often. 

This Mother's Day was a bittersweet time for me. I can't express the content and gratefulness that being a mother brings to me, however it is a bit rough that my own mama is not here...well, not physically. I always feel her near me. I still talk to her and because we were so close, I know exactly what she would say back to me. Last year was the first year without her and she had only been gone a few days so I barely even remember the day. 

This year I just wanted to be at home with Sky and Lisa and do what we do best as a family...hang out. We love being at home and taking it easy. I made pecan rolls for breakfast. 

Until next time, 

~Ashli

It Was A Good Week

I went to the neurosurgeon last week and I’m all set for my lumbar fusion surgery. May 31^st. I feel a lot more at ease after talking with the doctor this time and I’m ready. I’ve also found a few people on Instagram that have documented their experiences which has given me some insight on what to expect. They also give me hope that it will work and I will be okay.

One goal I have before surgery is to once and for all lose some of this weight. I weighed the day of my appointment and I’ve lost 8.4 pounds. I was pleasantly surprised I must say. My goal by surgery is another 15 pounds. 

This was after a 10 day stretch that included 5 days of pretty low carb, no more than 100 carbs a day and around 1500 calories. The remainder of the 10 days I focused primarily on calories. I have to say I feel better the less carbs I eat. I have decided to try carb cycling or a form of it. Of course I’ll tweak it to my liking and see how it works. This week I’m going to do low carb Monday through Friday and higher carb on Saturday and Sunday. I will still keep my calorie intake around 1500 or so. Sunday might end up being a Cheat Day though because, it is Easter Sunday. We’ll see how it goes.

Sky had Hawaiian Day at school! He is such a goof ball right now but he’s still so cute and I just love him! Lisa’s mom found this shirt at the thrift store. I thought it was perfect.

We finally decorated for Easter a teeny tiny bit. I know, Easter is only a week away but I just don’t have the stamina that I used to have. I think some of it is the pain and some of it is the medicine for the pain. But we are hosting Easter this year so I wanted to get in the spirit.

In my 20’s and 30’s and while Sky was younger I would go all out for the holidays. I'd decorate every room and every table top. However, in the last couple of years I've started to scale back. My goal is to decorate the porch, the fireplace and the table. Oh and to put something on my chalkboards! 

Sky really could care less about the stuff sitting around. He cares more about the experiences of the holidays, as it should be. If it were up to him all we'd do is decorate and hide eggs, shoot fireworks, carve pumpkins and decorate the tree and hang some lights on the house! Sounds good to me kid because this mama is tired of all the stuff. It's enough already.  

We also got the plaques and canvas hung up from our wedding! Oh happy day! This picture does not do them justice but it was hard to get a good shot in the hallway. I also can't wait to order and hang pictures from our wedding on the opposite wall. 

These were the highlights of the week. Mixed in was homework, reading, monopoly, poker and we also went and saw Boss Baby. It was pretty cute. 

I hope you had a great week! :) 

Teacher Tuesday-Testing

Testing.

If you are teacher and particularly a teacher in a grade higher than 2nd grade, you most likely dread that word.

I know, I know. Testing is important. Data is important. We have to know what the kids know but I hate that it has put so much pressure on them. It really makes me sad sometimes. I never want my students to base the entire worth of their education on testing. Ever. Even in college. Nope. 

Photo credit: Teach Outside the Box

We started state testing today and of course we had server problems, because why wouldn't we. Right out of the gate. Grrrrr.

Although I don't have to do an entire class this year, because I'm a special education teacher, it's still rough even with only six kids.

I love technology but man do I wish sometimes we did this the old school way, on paper with a freakin' pencil. Those don't have to reboot. Those don't have server problems. And they for damn sure don't "time out". Ugh.

The kids are troopers though and this year I wanted to give them a little treat because they deserve it. 

Testing is hard on them. 

Of course now I can't find the website where I found these! If you know or come across  it please comment on this post, I'd love to give them credit! 

However, one good thing about it being testing time is how close we are to summer break! :)

Thank the Lord! 

Have a great rest of the week! 

~Ashli

Diet...It's Just a Four Letter Word

Diet is a shitty word isn't it?

Hee hee. 

I mean as soon as I even think about that word I get all anxious. My mind starts to go a million miles an hour about what I can eat, what I can't eat, how much, how little. Calories, points, carbs, fat, macros!!! You know that frickin' roller coaster.

However, we as a society have made the word dirty. The definition of diet goes a little something like this: the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats.

I don't know when exactly this started to happen but I'm guessing somewhere in the 70's and people have just gotten fatter and fatter since then. But the dieting industry has gotten richer and richer. 

I've been trying to lose weight since I was probably 16...when I weighed a whopping 125 lbs. Now, to some of you out there maybe that screams fat to you, but I've give anything to go back to that girl and tell her she is okay. She is not fat. 

Since then I've tried pretty much every diet known to man. I've lost weight on most of them but have never been able to keep it off because...I don't keep it up! What?! You can't go back to pizza, pop and cookies everyday? Well, fuck that then.

And Viola...here I am.

I vowed in this post to never get back on that roller coaster and I haven't. However, I am doing something. I have to do something. I'm 46 years old and overweight. I have back issues and a 10 year old son who needs me to be healthy in body and mind. Not dieting doesn't give me the green light to stuffing my face with whatever the hell I feel like, drinking gallons of pop and not moving my ass off the couch. That's not healthy for anyone, even those skinny girls I'd love to strangle! I kid ;)

However, this is different from what I've done in the past. I decided to combine a few approaches, after doing a little research. Two things I know work, but also two things I've never been successful with individually.

Tracking Calories and Carbs.

  

I've tried low carb too many times to count and I can NEVER stick with it because well...I NEED CARBS!

I absolutely feel like this. It's a dangerous situation for everyone!

So, needless to say that approach doesn't work for me. Or for anyone who wants to talk to me. Ha!

Then there is calorie counting. I do a smidgen better with this but not fabulous, obviously, or we wouldn't be having this conversation.

The problem with counting calories is I tend to gravitate towards foods that aren't real. You know, lots of frozen meals and low- calorie prepackaged snacks. This type of eating leaves me extremely hungry and unsatisfied. Not to mention this kind of food is usually full of salt, which... is not my friend.

Eating well and finding what works for your body is absolutely not one size fits all. What works for me may not work for you. Take my wife for example. She hates to keep track of anything and that is why she does so well with low carb. Avoid carbs. That's it. Some people thrive on measuring, counting and figuring every calorie, point or macro.

I'm somewhere in the middle. I'm a Gemini.

Realizing all of this about myself and accepting it is what has brought me to where I am right now. Tracking both.

It's definitely a balancing act because lots of low carb or no carb foods can be high in calories and on the other end of the tightrope, foods that are low calorie can be FULL of sugar! It's a bit of game and there is a learning curve but so far it is working and I don't feel so CRAZY.

Right now I am trying to stay around 1500 calories and 100 grams of carbs. I don't worry too much about fat...right now. We'll see what happens as time goes on. 

I'm on Day 4 which may not sound like a long time, but lately I've been done by Day 3 so I feel pretty good about this accomplishment. I also turned down a donut yesterday...haven't done that in months! 

I'll keep you posted in the upcoming weeks. 

Peace! 

~Ashli

Goals-Week 2...

Actually it's week three but Spring Break happened in between, which consisted of absolutely ZERO goals.

Zero, Zilch, Nada...unless you count doing nothing as a goal. 

Oh wait, I did have one goal and that was to clean out our office/catch all room. I made a huge dent in it so that counts for something. You can at least move around in there and see the floor!

First, let's talk about week one and how well I did. Or didn't do. Ha! 

Goal one was to go to bed by 10 pm every week night. This goal was a success, surprisingly! Spring break brought on some late nights but I will pick this back up this week. 

My second goal for week one was to drink 64 ounces of water each day. Huge FAIL! This is a struggle for me as I discussed in my original post. 

The third goal was to eat around 1800 calories a day. Bahahaha! I made it exactly three days, which by the way is always when I tend to struggle with any goal. I don't know what it is about day three but it's a thorn in my side every.single.time. 

Goal four was a SCORE! I finally finished To Kill a Mockingbird!! Whooo hoo!! Yippy Skippy! And...I actually started a new book. Well, it's not a new book but one we've had for awhile. I actually got it for my wife. Robin Roberts' Everybody's Got Something. I'm about half way through and so far it's holding my attention! 

Last but not least. Goal five was to engage more fully with Sky. I did much better at this but I wouldn't exactly count it as a complete success. I did stay off social media more but I also allowed him more time on his iPad than usual because of spring break. We did engage more but it could be so much better!

So, that brings us to this week. 

Goal #1 

Drink 64 frickin' ounces of water every frickin' day! No explanation needed. Just drink the damn water already. 

Goal #2

Be on time to work every day. I talked about my desire to rise earlier in this post. Rising early and the same time each day will make getting to work on time easier. Being on time to work will make my day less stressful. I don't know why I fight it so. 

Goal #3 

Walk four times, at least 30 minutes each time. I desperately need to do this one. I haven't exercised on purpose with consistency in months! 

I'm having surgery in a couple of months and going under scares the hell out of me. Somehow I feel like if I'm in a little better shape the risks of anesthetic will be lower. Fingers crossed. Supposedly having a baby is almost as risky as going under the knife. Pray for me ;)

You've probably noticed I didn't mention anything about the 1800 calories. I'm trying something new this week but not making it a goal. I don't want to get back on that ride. 

Fewer goals, increased focus. 

Have a great week and good luck with whatever goals you've set! 

~Ashli

Time to Rise and Shine!

I am NOT an early riser. AT ALL.

But I want to be. 

I wasn't always this bad but over the years I've gotten worse. Once I went back to college I stayed up late doing homework instead of doing it while Sky was awake. What became a habit out of necessity at the time has turned into just a habit. 

I have been working on going to bed earlier...one of my goals from a week ago. It's spring break so I haven't done very well this week but I plan on starting back up next week. Eventually I'd like to pretty much rise the same time everyday. Be a little more consistent. 

Why do I want to be an early riser? 

• My family. They are early risers and it makes me feel guilty when I'm not up with them. The day tends to get off schedule which in turn adds stress by the end of the day. 

• Productivity. It has been proven that getting up early sets a person up to be more productive. I desperately need this, especially on the weekends and breaks. 

• Be on time! This is a big one for me. Not only am I not an early riser but this subsequently makes me late as well. Being late makes me stressed and in a funky mood. I am rushed and not able to get all of my morning things accomplished like I'd like. This adds stress to my wife because some of these things fall on her to get done, which is not fair. If I can eliminate that I'd be happier and so would my family. 

• Feel better physically. I've been struggling with back issues as you may have remembered. Getting up earlier would get me moving earlier which would get rid of the pain earlier. And again ready for my day earlier. Plus, once I've had surgery and the pain is better, I'd like to begin working out in the mornings again. 

I really believe doing this one thing could be life changing for me and my family. I know it sounds like I'm being a bit dramatic but I believe it! My family tends to follow my lead and if I can get into this routine I know our family will benefit immensely. 

Are you an early riser? If so, what are your secrets? I'd love to hear them!

My best, 

~Ashli